I can still feel a dark corner where my light will not yet reach its as though a shadow seems to be overcast on my soul...and yet I can feel that dark place growing weaker each day..Do I tremble at what the future may hold ?..I will gather my strength and cast out that shadow of doubt and disappointment,tho that is not what I feel for me, its for those they gave me their faith and trust .
when people look to you for inspiration and strength..leadership and guidance, for me in my life this has carried a great weight of responsibility..and for a time a moment of pride ,without vanity.

Shame is what I feel when I hear the doors of failure slam shut behind me..Not in front..! I'm always able to open doors ,my own self belief is what carries me through in what I am aim to attain or achieve and will strive to, until I reach that goal.

I have no time for allowing thoughts of self pity to keep me awake at night..nor to keep questioning my reasoning for being here..my mind in the quiet of the night has pondered many times of what is my purpose or being ..I also have the same images of reoccurring dreams where I wake dripping in perspiration from my 60ft fall in Spain, you see if I may explain.....

Its the same every time ..I'm looking at my hand in mid-air..I see the sunlight, I hear the screams of laughter (which I think are coming from holidaymakers in the pool) I look down for a millionth of second then I realise the screams are from bystanders around the various balconies in the hotel.
I then feel my body falling at a very accelerated pace in space and time ..its as though they both become as one together..and then..nothing..a total darkness envelopes me in a cushion of painless comfort.
.I hear sounds and voices..I feel the urgency and combined sense of many emotions ..around my broken body which is attended to by around 5-10 paramedics and many people in uniforms..people yelling and screaming..obviously frighted at what they saw..I felt as though I was suspended where time and space had no meaning ..I felt that I had an inner understanding of all the questions and secrets and wonderment's of the universe.
Out of the corner of my vision I could see a floating sphere in which I could feel and see the shadowy presence of many tall and shorter figures in what I can only describe as though they were milling around in dispute ..I could feel anger and sorrow and sadness..I felt and knew that this was not my time and could feel that the figures were not prepared for my being there.It was then two little orbs of light took my hands and visually guided my thoughts and glanced in the direction of my body which was about 150 feet or more below me..we shared a thought of what I had to do and the horrific unbearable pain that I was to endure whilst rejoining my broken twisted body..I remember before I succumbed to acknowledging my earthly body that the sky above me was cast in a brilliant golden glow with no clouds to be seen.

I was then airlifted to the Clinica Hospital in Malaga..

I awoke several weeks later after being taken off a life support machine and all the medical staff and team explaining what had taken place and what the future would be like for me with my so called disabilities..

My injuries were witnessed as follows ..as I fell from the 6th floor of the Benal Beach Hotel (July 2007) my fall was broken on the 3rd balcony because my head bounced off the edge of the balcony my body then continued to spin and landed on the concrete felted roof in a crumpled heap with my arm twisted behind my neck and my face impacted the roof surface..I lay still and 30-40 Bystanders stood in silence and then started screaming.

I was informed that I had a punctured Lung and three broken ribs,a severe skull fracture and broken shoulder in 3 places with fragments of bone embedded in my upper arm,I had reconstructive surgery in my inner mouth where they welded my gum plate back together and left me with a few broken teeth..

I believe that this message and the words that I have written will help others to understand that one day we will ALL face our masters and answer for our deeds in this life as we know it.

For there is no where to flee..for those that have/need, fear may grow in your heart and for others Love for All will blossom.